I’m in a bit of an eggplant conundrum. He’s been staring up at me from the depths of my refrigerator for days praying that I will, for the love of god, just grill him already. I want to love him. I really do. He’s healthy and in good shape. But he’s just so…purple. And has all that leathery skin hanging around and, let’s face it, no one wants to deal with it. Sorry, bro. Ain’t nobody got time for dat.