Caramelized Bacon Chutney





I disagree with hipster folk on most things. Their garb (the ironic floral patterns that look like Aunt Mildred’s couch); their stupid obsession with musicians that have names like “Furry Fire Ants” or “Gassy Lampshade”; all that damn plaid. But one thing I can share an enthusiastic fist bump with them over is artisanal, fancy as hell foods that were originally designed to be simple and straightforward. Hipsters have taken them all to a ridiculous level of detail and made them wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am delicious. Linguica corn dogs, julienned beef cheek, pickled brussel sprouts doused in a locally produced IPA, etc etc. They’re crazy, but I’ll take it. With a side of duck fat potatoes.




So, I caved. I followed the crowd and I’m not looking back. Because hot damn, bacon in a jammy state is unbelievable. On cheese. On crackers. On apples. Straight out of the jar on my finger because I of course cannot wait for a utensil to be hauled out of a drawer, brought to me, put into my hand, then into the jar, yada yada yada.

Sweet! Savory! Jammy! All the things! Even if you don’t like bacon, you will enjoy this jar of magic (I have testimony from a non-lover of bacon…it’s true, they do exist) because it is incredible.





Caramelized Bacon Chutney
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 1.5 cups
  • 1 pound bacon
  • 2 large onions, slivered
  • ½ c brown sugar
  • ⅓ c brewed coffee
  • 1 T balsamic vinegar
  • ½ c water
  1. Heat a large cast iron skillet over medium high heat and cut the bacon into ½" pieces. Cook until chewy, then remove with a slotted spoon and set aside. Remove all but 1 T of the fat from the pan and add the onions, cooking until soft (about 10 minutes). Add the sugar, turn the heat down to low, and cook until caramelized-- about 20 minutes. Add the coffee, water, and reserved bacon and cook on medium low until the mixture cooks down and starts to get nice and jammy, which should take anywhere from 15-30 minutes. When it's thick and delicious looking, turn off the heat and stir in the balsamic vinegar. Serve warm, or store in a sealed jar in the refrigerator for no more than 1-2 weeks (not that you will have any problem finishing it immediately).

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